When the World Collapses: How My Dark Night of the Soul Led Me to My Spiritual Awakening

Reflections on Transformation Through Inner Turmoil

In 2021, during the height of the pandemic, I became very ill with COVID-19. I experienced a cascade of symptoms that left my body depleted and my spirit shaken. At times, it felt as though a comet had landed on top of me. Much of that experience I endured alone.

At the height of my illness, something unexpected happened.

I had a vision.

In it, I saw myself on what felt like my last day on Earth, lying in a hospital bed. I could see clearly who was present around me, and who was not. That moment pierced through every illusion I had been carrying. It forced me to confront uncomfortable truths about my life, my relationships, and the ways I had been living out of alignment with myself.

That vision became a catalyst.

Within three months, I was divorced after 24 years of marriage. I moved out of the family home and into a new chapter. About a year later, I became an empty nester. The year after that, I lost a job that had become deeply intertwined with my identity. Along the way, I also experienced the deaths of beloved family members, the loss of my cherished dog, the tragic murder of a dear friend, and the unraveling of friendships and romantic relationships I once believed were permanent.

Loss after loss. Ending after ending.

What I did not understand at the time, but would come to recognize later, was that I was moving through what many spiritual traditions call the Dark Night of the Soul.

The dark night of the soul is a period of profound spiritual crisis. It is the collapse of the old self. The dissolving of identity. The stripping away of roles, expectations, attachments, and illusions. While the term originates in Christian mysticism, most notably in the writings of St. John of the Cross, this experience transcends religious boundaries. People from all backgrounds encounter their own versions of this profound, life-altering transformation, one that dismantles what no longer fits so something truer can emerge.

Contemporary spiritual teachers and scholars describe this process in stages. A modern six-stage framework, referenced by figures such as psychiatrist Dr. Anna Yusim and writer Shannon Kaiser, outlines the journey as follows:

1. A major disruption or trigger, such as illness, loss, betrayal, or another life-altering event

2. Loss of direction and hope, marked by despair, confusion, and a sense of meaninglessness

3. Rock bottom, which may include emotional numbness, isolation, or unhealthy coping mechanisms

4. Waking up to the truth, facing reality, and releasing what no longer serves

5. Spiritual study and integration, developing practices, learning, and rebuilding

6. Authentic living, where clarity, alignment, and purposeful service emerge

Other traditions describe the journey more simply as four phases: Awakening, Purification, Illumination, and Union.

What remains consistent across traditions is this truth: the dark night is not punishment. It is purification. It dismantles the ego so the soul can lead.

These stages are not linear. They overlap, repeat, and resurface. In my own journey, the dark night dismantled not only my outer life. It also required me to confront old wounds from childhood and beyond.

The dark night strips you down to your essence.

Not to destroy you, but to allow you to rebuild from truth rather than fear. From knowing rather than performing. From authenticity rather than expectation. It invites an honest meeting with both light and shadow.

On the other side of that meeting comes something powerful: self-acceptance, self-trust, and self-love.

As my awakening deepened, I felt called to train in spiritual practices and to work with a shaman who helped me reconnect with my ancestors. I learned to integrate all parts of myself: the academic and the mystical, the grounded and the intuitive. I stopped fragmenting who I was.

As this remembering unfolded, I felt the echoes of my lineage rise within me:

the land where I was born in Chile,

my lifelong connection to water and the Pacific Ocean,

the ancient Andes standing watch like wise elders,

ancestors whispering reminders of who I truly am,

and a lineage where magic, mysticism, and sacredness

are woven seamlessly into daily life.

These whispers had been shaping me long before I had language for them.

What I once believed was the end of my life was, in truth, a sacred initiation. A threshold my soul had been preparing me to cross since childhood.

I walked through grief, betrayal, fear, ego death, and a profound dark night of the soul. On the other side, I encountered a truth I could no longer ignore:

I am here to serve by helping others reconnect with who they truly are, especially in moments of transition, unraveling, and becoming.

Guiding people across thresholds is one expression of this calling. It is part of the medicine I carry. As a transformational coach, writer, and spiritual guide, I support individuals through spiritual awakenings, identity dissolutions, and life-altering transitions so they do not have to walk these sacred crossings alone.

If this resonates…

If you are moving through a dark night of the soul, a spiritual awakening, or a season where everything feels like it is falling apart, please know this:

You do not have to go through it by yourself.

This is the work I do. I walk alongside those navigating profound inner transformation with compassion, depth, and grounded support. I intentionally work with a very small number of clients, only five per season, to honor the sacredness of this work. I currently have limited openings.

And because the holidays can intensify grief, longing, and disconnection for those in a dark night of the soul, I have created a free handout offering ten gentle, grounding practices to help you move through this season with more compassion and steadiness.

You can access it through this link: Dark Night of the Soul Survival Guide

To learn more about my work, visit kgcoachingandconsulting.com.

You are not broken.

You are not lost.

You are crossing a threshold, and I see you.